Parenting Lessons (Apr 25): When Life Gives You Tangerines
This is part of a monthly series I did for a year, sharing parenting lessons I learned each month.
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Family through the Generations
I watched “When Life Gives You Tangerines”, the popular K-drama about love and family across three generations. It reminded me of the book I read, ‘Pachinko’ by Min Jin Lee, which follows four generations of a Korean family navigating life in Japan. I wrote a parenting lesson for July 2024 but kept it as a draft titled “Generational Curse or Inheritance”.
My grandma was immobile from an illness then, only able to open and close her eyes. She was simply sitting there, drifting in and out of sleep. Yet, in the state of rest, a frown was on her face, and it looked familiar. It’s the frown I have, a frown that made others ask if I was okay or angry when I was feeling neutral or simply resting. I learned later that my unconscious frown was because of a perpetual anxiety and tensed-up inner state, it got better after I learned to relax those muscles consciously.
Anyway during my grandma’s funeral, I also saw how my extended family behaved in similar ways and beliefs as my mother and how values are passed around in that generation and then passed on to the next.
People talked about genetics (“遗传”), mostly in terms of looks and personality, and inheritance (“遗产”) in terms of wealth and material goods. However, more things are passed down than we see if we dig deeper, such as trauma, genetic illness and curses of early death.
So accepting that some things are nature instead of nurture will help parents to be easier on themselves, not to take everything about how their children turn out as their responsibility. Yet it doesn’t absolve parents of all responsibility and simply blame it on nature. We still have that responsibility to try our best to break the generational curses on our end through learning and healing, so that fewer bad things are passed on to the next generation.
For example, we can choose not to pass on our mental illnesses and bad behaviour by going to therapy. And for Christians, we can use the Word of God as a sword to cut the bad roots off and be grafted unto the vine of Jesus and abide in Him.
Tangerines: Being Myopic at an Early Age
When life gives you lemons, eat them like they are sweet as tangerines. This month, I am learning to change my perspectives and thinking so that my life will be less sour but sweeter.
One year ago, I wanted to write about my 1-year journey with early childhood myopia, as my older daughter had to wear glasses in K2. It’s to help in practical ways and encourage parents who struggled as I did. Yet, I procrastinated because it’s still a hard topic for me to write out. In April 2025, my younger daughter had myopia at K1, even younger than her sister. This time, I felt more prepared because I knew she had a higher chance of getting it. And I had thought out the course of action previously with my older daughter, so I went into the battle more prepared.
To make the lemon a tangerine, I told myself that, though being outdoors didn’t prevent myopia, things could have been worse if I hadn’t diligently brought them outdoors. Other than eyesight, the outdoors has helped in their motor skills and brain development as well – there is more to a child than just the eyes. Also, God has been merciful to us – my younger daughter’s health could have been worse because of all the X-rays and antibiotics I had to take when I was pregnant with her. Moreover, compared to olden times, there are now many more options for myopia control, and thankfully, we have the resources to access these options.
I was cringing in the sourness of lemon the first time round with my older girl, and thus might have passed on my anxiety to her. So I wanted to learn this time to break the way of thinking I have inherited. Instead of blaming the sourness of lemons, I wanted to turn them into tangerines and savour the sweetness. Many things in life are out of our control, especially our health and medical conditions. But our attitude and emotions towards them can make life more palatable for ourselves and our children. It’s not easy, but I pray for the grace and strength for us all to do it for ourselves and our children’s sake.
That’s about it. Thanks for journeying with me on this parenting journey. Before you go, you might want to check out my other posts on parenting. Leave your parenting tips, comments or questions below. Love to hear from you. 🙂
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