Parenting Lessons (Oct 24): Choosing Friends and Grace Parenting
This is part of a monthly series where I share parenting lessons I learned each month.
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Choosing Friends
It’s about friendships again.
In October, my learning point was to trust EG to make good decisions in her choice of friends. To be honest, it’s been a challenge to restrain myself from giving advice or opinions because they are after all out of concern. I’m still learning when to step in to guide her and when to let her be in her growing pains.
But it’s so hard – coincidentally around the same time, my friend shared how her child in the upper primary did something wrong because of bad company. When is it considered too much intervention or when is it too little before it’s too late?
It so happened that I saw the following Instagram post on the day my friend told me about her situation. Helpful tips, especially slide 4 for me:
Grace Parenting
I bought a series of books EG wanted badly, but I also wanted her to earn it. So I told her she had to get a certain number of A+ or A before she could get the book – with ‘A+’ exceeding expectations (taking initiative), ‘A’ meeting expectations (following instructions), etc. Three days passed and she still hadn’t earned it.
Something felt amiss when she kept throwing tantrums at the slightest things and kept being rude to her sister that evening. It was unlike her. I asked her what was wrong and she was just frustrated. Then I had an epiphany. The next day, I asked her if it was because she kept failing to meet the grade to exchange for the book. She said yes.
I wondered if her frustration was because she couldn’t get the book, or if she felt discouraged because she couldn’t measure up no matter how hard she tried. So I decided to show her the grace God showed me.
Everyone has sinned. No one measures up to God’s glory.
Romans 3:23-24 (NIRV)
The free gift of God’s grace makes us right with him. Christ Jesus paid the price to set us free.
“I will give you the book.”
“Why?”
“Just because you are my daughter.”
For the rest of the day, she exhibited A+ and A behaviour. She tried to follow the law of instructions but failed. Now she could easily fulfill the law because she was filled with grace and love.
This one incident reminded me to show more grace in my parenting. I usually default to the easier method of ‘do as I say’ instructions and expect obedience, though this method is only effective until a certain age (cue teenager).
Definition of Grace:
dictionary.com
favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.
mercy; clemency; pardon
Synonyms: reprieve, leniency, lenity
Theology: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
Regardless, I believe we all like people showing us more grace too – for example, our bosses and customers. 🙂 Who knows, EG might abuse this grace the next time. But don’t we all continue to stumble and need new mercies and grace every morning?
That’s about it, thanks for journeying with me on this parenting journey. Before you go, you might want to check out my other posts on parenting. Leave your parenting tips, comments or questions below. Love to hear from you. 🙂
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