Parenting Lessons (Feb 25 | Part 2): My Child Would Never Do That
This is part of a monthly series I did for a year, sharing parenting lessons I learned each month.
There is just too much to share for February 2025, hence, this post comes in two parts – check out Part 1!
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My Child Would Never Do That
Within a week in February, I was told of incidents concerning my two daughters in their respective schools, one after another. My heart became heavy, it didn’t help that there were already attacks on other areas of our lives. It was a tough week.
I had much food for thought on parenting as I reflected upon those incidents. When I was typing them out here during March 2025, the Netflix series “Adolescence” was garnering a lot of discussion. The show revealed the complexity of parenting and how many things are out of the parents’ control. Generational behaviour is passed on. And even though parenting plays a huge part, many other influences, from media to peers, are shaping how a child turns out. For example, anyone can be radicalised in the online world, and the worst part is that no one notices something is amiss until it’s too late.
It’s also a hot topic because the protagonist in trouble is from an outwardly ordinary family, which means it could happen to any family that has no obvious red flags. In the show, the father’s immediate response to the accusation of the child was, “My child would never do that.” It is hard to imagine a child who is afraid of needles is capable of such a violent act. It was a powerful script because even with video evidence in the show, I couldn’t quite see what the protagonist did and didn’t think he gave a final deadly blow. So I was in denial, along with his father, until the very end. Many viewers were also in denial because they thought the ending ended with a cliffhanger, even though there was a definite answer.
The father might never know the son’s true self if not for the violent crime he was accused of. The negative undercurrent would have continued to manifest in other ways, hidden from the adults and only uncovered when something big happens. But even with the unravelling, parents might go, “My child would never do that.”
I keyed this question into Chatgpt, “Who will say, ‘My child will never do that?” It answered this, “It is typically said by a parent who may be in denial, in shock, or feeling defensive about their child’s actions or behaviour. It often comes up when a parent is confronted with something their child has done that doesn’t align with their expectations or the way they see their child.”
Do we know our children well? Do our parents know us well? For example, on this UNICEF page, “It is worth noting that in many cases, bullies do not demonstrate any signs of being bullies in the presence of their parents. In this case, parents sometimes tend to be sceptical when the school of their child or when a parent of another child being bullied complains about the abusive behaviour of their child.”
I often see tips for parents on what to do if their children are being bullied, but I don’t see much advice for parents of bullies or offenders. Parents of bullies or offenders also need help to navigate their complex feelings and help their children. Sometimes bullies are also suffering themselves. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt others. In any case, children do need us to believe in the good in them. Even if they make mistakes, they need to know our grace, forgiveness and love for them. In this way, they can have the hope and strength to make that U-turn from the wrong path.
“We’re all just trying our best, right?” the mother asked rhetorically, and I heard her exasperation. She just received some feedback on her child’s actions in school. I nodded and empathised with her. This conversation happened in early April, just as I was finishing this post. Some parents ignore and excuse their children’s questionable antics and behavioural problems. However, there are also genuine parents who have been teaching their children the right values and behaviours, but ultimately, the child is his or her own, especially when they grow older and hit the teenage phase. Who could understand these parents’ helplessness? Speaking of which, this is a good podcast for parents with tweens or adolescents to listen to.
There is an idiom that goes, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” According to Google AI overview, this idiom means children often inherit or exhibit similar characteristics, traits, or tendencies as their parents. However, sometimes storms and winds can blow these fruits far away from the tree as well.
Anyway, for Christians, if God is our Heavenly Father, and if we guide and lead our children in the ways of God, especially when they make God their Heavenly Father too, then shouldn’t we and our children not fall far from the heavenly tree (God) as well?
Ultimately, I believe praying for wisdom in our children and for wisdom in our parenting is so important because we might never know some things about our children, but God knows. Children need wisdom to do the right things, and we as parents need the wisdom to teach them the right things, in the right way, at the right time.
That’s about it. Thanks for journeying with me on this parenting journey. Before you go, you might want to check out my other posts on parenting. Leave your parenting tips, comments or questions below. Love to hear from you. 🙂
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